Most Implausible Tales of History

[AllthetTropesMan]

I'm sure others have posted this question, but are there any major events of history that would sound to you like a straight up deus (or diabolus) ex machina were you to see them written in a timeline posted on this forum?

Here are a few examples I would put out:
A foiled assassination is salvaged just because the Archduke's driver changed course and ran into one of the perpetrators.
A collection of Atlantic colonies with different agaendas recceives aid from the Old World and not only defeats the preeminent naval power of the day, but goes on to expand singlehandedly across the continent and eventually dethrone Europe as the world's major imperial power.
For centuries, the Emperor of Japan did not rule in the same sense as other monarchs but instead was the systematic puppet first of a decadent court that allowed for the rise of countryside feudalism and then of successive series of hereditary feudal lords, not one of which attempted to buck tradition and establish their own dynasty on the Chrysantheum Throne.
The French revolution does not end with a broken France under a foreign imposed government or a simple military dictatorship, but instead ends up in the hands of a military genius who revolutionizes the nation-state, the laws of Europe and the art of warfare.
The Bourbon heir to the French throne refuses his position over a petty dispute over whether the restored kingdom would use the tricolor or the royal standard, with the legislature even ruling out a compromise flag that the heir himself designed.
China and the British Empire fight two wars caused by opium addiction.
The kingdom of Macedon unites the polises into a single force that takes down the Achaemenid Empire and beyond in just a decade.
Imperial Germany knowingly kickstarts the Bolshevik Revolution by allowing Lenin free passage into Russia.
The Mongolian independence movement is aided by a deranged warlord with dreams of being the next Genghis Khan.
American money is sent to aid Mao Zedong due to him taking credit for Chinese victory over the Japanese.
The last emperor of China is allowed to live in his palace after the 1911 Revolution as a local curiosity.
The west experiences a rise in comedian populist candidates as of the late 2010s.

 

[GameBawesome]

A couple hundred of Spaniards disobeyed the orders of their governor, sails west to conquer an empire, recruits disgruntled vassals of said empire, kidnapped their leader, caused a riot that forced the to retreat, and then smallpox epidemic broke out because the Natives had no immunity it, allowing them to conquer the empire, establishing New Spain.

It was way more unbelievable than I made it out to be, but that’s the oversimplified version

 

[EasternRomanEmpire]

Prussia surviving in the Seven Years' War would be seen as ASB in any other TL.
Nazi Germany's rise to power was also such an incredible succession of lucky coincidences.
A random man in the Mongolian steppes goes on to create one of the greatest empires of the world by defeating several other great empires.

 

[athgtq16129]

The Mongolian independence movement is aided by a deranged warlord with dreams of being the next Genghis Khan.

Baron Ungern "dreaming of being the next Genghis Khan" is a common misconception I think, he had Bogd Khan as the leader of Mongolia, from what I remember, he only wanted to have some sort of prime minister/advisory role in a restored Russo-Mongol Empire of the sorts, not to be the Khan himself.

 

[Atrahasis]

The Byzantine Emperor asks the pope for mercenaries to start the reconquista of Anatolia. He receives a bunch of fanatically religious knights with a distorted sense of reality that makes them think that they can plausibly make their way to Jerusalem with little to no experience on warfare and geography of the different regions between them and the Holy City, but they have and advantage, most of their leaders happen to be the greatest military geniuses alive (kind of lazy writing tbh). So, they manage to make their way through Anatolia, win 3 battles while sieging the (arguably) best fortress in the Levant and take it, win another battle in front of the walls while being massively outnumbered, reach Jerusalem against all odds and again defeat another force while being outnumbered. This gets even more impressive when you consider that Baldwin I constantly did this after the major crusader force was gone.

 

[Marc Anthony]

Timur Lang's invasion of China avoided cause he died of a cold.

 

[AllthetTropesMan]

Baron Ungern "dreaming of being the next Genghis Khan" is a common misconception I think, he had Bogd Khan as the leader of Mongolia, from what I remember, he only wanted to have some sort of prime minister/advisory role in a restored Russo-Mongol Empire of the sorts, not to be the Khan himself.

My mistake.

 

[WhatSantayanaSaid]

Chinese man fails an exam, sees God, becomes convinced he's the younger brother of a Jewish man born thousands of kilometers away (who died over a thousand years prior), starts a religion that starts a civil war that lasts 14 years with a death toll comparable to WWI. At the same time the USA is having a civil war over slavery.

 

[Lalli]

Some Catholic French guy, son of mid-level byreocrat has pretty good career on French army and later him becomes king of Sweden despite being Catholic, rumored having tattoo with text "Death to monarchy!" and without royal blood. And his descendants are still reigning Sweden.

Some carpenter is nailed to wood in Jerusalem and soon his friends establish new sect what officials persecuted mercilessly but still despite that only 300 years later Roman emperor converts to this religion and some decades later it becomes official religion.

Nazis are really cartoonishing evil and horrible but still manage to conquer over half of Europe in couple years and even one of world power fall for them only in few weeks.

Some military leaders of mid-level South American nation decide to invade some small islands belonging to nuclear-power great power.

 

[Mikestone8]

Some Catholic French guy, son of mid-level byreocrat has pretty good career on French army and later him becomes king of Sweden despite being Catholic, rumored having tattoo with text "Death to monarchy!" and without royal blood. And his descendants are still reigning Sweden.

Some carpenter is nailed to wood in Jerusalem and soon his friends establish new sect what officials persecuted mercilessly but still despite that only 300 years later Roman emperor converts to this religion and some decades later it becomes official religion.

Nazis are really cartoonishing evil and horrible but still manage to conquer over half of Europe in couple years and even one of world power fall for them only in few weeks.

Some military leaders of mid-level South American nation decide to invade some small islands belonging to nuclear-power great power.

And don't forget that ridiculous "Abraham Lincoln" legend.

Born in poverty, rises to rule a nation, is way too good to be true, has his greatest triumph on Palm Sunday, only to be martyred on Good Friday. Obviously the invention of
some national mythmaker blatantly plagiarising the New Testament.

Couldn't these frauds at least show a little originality?

 

[BlueFlowwer]

Some Catholic French guy, son of mid-level byreocrat has pretty good career on French army and later him becomes king of Sweden despite being Catholic, rumored having tattoo with text "Death to monarchy!" and without royal blood. And his descendants are still reigning Sweden.

And don't forget that ridiculous "Abraham Lincoln" legend.

Born in poverty, rises to rule a nation, is way too good to be true, has his greatest triumph on Palm Sunday, only to be martyred on Good Friday. Obviously the invention of
some national mythmaker blatantly plagiarising the New Testament.

Couldn't these frauds at least show a little originality?

Me reading this as a Swedish person who has worked at the Royal Castles and still works just a bridge away from it now: 👀

 

[Beatriz]

OOC: Should timelines be written in a way that fits the general AH audiences’ knowledge and sense of plausibility?

 

[Viking25]

IDK but lets be honest I am sure theirs a TL out their where people are scoffing at the idea of England managing to lose to Scotland......but then conquer half of France a decade or so later and beat up Scotland at the same time as well? The authors power scaling is clearly more fucked up than Dragon Ball /s

 

[Sarthak]

OOC: Should timelines be written in a way that fits the general AH audiences’ knowledge and sense of plausibility?

Nah.
A lot of implausible things happened in history. Too many to count actually.
If everything was uniform, then history wouldn't be as interesting as it is. Of course implausible shouldn't mean downright impossible, but still.

 

[ChrisTheCat]

Much of the USA's history feels wanky.

Pre-revolution: Original native societies are devastated by disease brought by Europeans, with much well-managed land suddenly rendered available. Furthermore, this continent has the world's most navigable river network, excellent for trade purposes.

Revolution: Great Britain, one of the greatest European powers at the time fought other European powers to secure their domination of the eastern coast of North America, and then when those colonies rebel to form the United States, it goes poorly for Britain. Other great powers enter on the side of the Americans, and France particularly bankrupts itself out of spite towards the English, and then proceeds to not establish any significant presence on the continent it had just fought on. When France calls in their debts from the Americans, they don't pay, and nothing comes of this. The initial territory the USA controls has large amounts of quality resources and land for development and settling.

Founding and Leadership: The United States is united and led by people who were inspired by Enlightenment ideals, something that had really only come into prominence shortly prior, and consequently had a very 'for the people' basis (despite slavery). Their first ruler was not only a good ruler, but also due in part to these Enlightenment ideals and due to personal distate for it, does not make himself king or ruler for life, setting a precedent for democratic governance and peaceful transition of power. The states are also fairly loosely bound together so there is no immediate war over the slavery issue.

Louisiana Purchase: France, after having a revolution inspired by the American one, reclaims its foothold on the North American continent from Spain, and then immediately sells it to the Americans for a pittance - literally doubling the USA's territory overnight. The land is of high value, excellent for settling and farming/agriculture, and would later be revealed to contain comically huge quantities of valuable materials.

War of 1812 and Northern Border: America then fights a war with the greatest power in the world at the time, Britain. This happens at the same time as a huge European war, the one France sold territory to finance, so Britain can't use their full strength. America fights to a draw in such a way that both sides can claim victory to this day. No territory was exchanged, no money paid, and border discussions were soon had so that a fight like this would never happen again with Britain or Canada.

Monroe Doctrine: Due to the aforementioned European war, the rest of the Americas all revolt and become independent, removing the majority of European military threats and allowing for many weak, unstable states for America to establish influence over. The USA proclaims to the world that North and South America are their sphere of influence and that no other power can intervene. The British empire accepts this, and no one else (European or Latin American) has the power to actually challenge this at all.

Manifest Destiny and Mexican-American War: America decides their destiny is to exist from the Atlantic to the Pacific. As mentioned above, they sign numerous treaties with Britain/Canada, every single one of which is henceforth settled in America's favour without violence. In pursuit of this goal, America butts heads with Mexico over Texas, leading to another war which America handily dominates, gaining further giant tracts of land. This territor includes Texas, which has good grazing land for cattle and would later be revealed to have some of the largest deposits of oil in the entire world, and California, which had the largest gold deposits known on earth at the time and even greater agricultural land as well as a Pacific coastline. This gold in particular is insane to me as it was unclaimed by the natives, who saw no value in it, and the Mexicans, who had barely settled the territory to realise it was there, some of it literally just sitting in rivers.

American Civil War: The North is strong enough to win without too much damage to itself, but also took long enough to win that they were able to spin a narrative to the world about the war being for moral purposes in ending slavery, preventing Britain or France from getting involved and making the Union (and later the USA) look very morally minded. No other country interrupts this civil war at all for the duration.

Alaska Purchase: Territory sold to the USA by Russia that was believed worthless, and boom - heaps more gold and oil discovered shortly thereafter and neither Russia nor Canada in a position to dispute. The territory would also later be strategically useful for the Cold War due to its proximity to Russia but distance from the rest of the mainland USA.

Spanish-American War: The USA starts conquering parts of the Pacific alongside Britain and other European powers. In addition to this, they fight and defeat a European power (a weak one but still) thereby massively increasing their own prestige in the world. They take Carribean territory from this as well, meaning they span the entire width of North America, and island territories on both sides well away from the mainland.

The World Wars: America during all of this is industrialising, growing a massive population, its own colonies, and establishes itself as a power to be reckoned with, becoming the largest economy on Earth. And then their biggest competitiors in Europe all kill each other in two massive globe-spanning wars. America not only finances these wars and gets its money back with interest, and is on the winning side both times, Europe is so ruined that America expands its sphere of influence into its former rivals, including Britain, France, and half of Germany, and basically owns the entire Pacific whilst still maintaining the influence over the Americas. They also get the best America was hit with a huge economic depression before the second war but rebuilding Europe helped them recover from it in a short period of time.

The Cold War: America's new main rival, the Soviet Union, is such a source of technological competition (but either not surpassing them or running out of money to keep up) that the Americans eventually end up putting people on the moon. America spreads its dominance around the globe to its allies and "allies" through its army, trade, and especially its media and culture, to the point where the "rules-based international order" that much of the world follows is really just American values in all but name. America stays rich despite going through several economic upheavals and proxy wars, having an entire quarter of the modern global economy within their borders. The Soviet Union collapses and their sphere of influence does too, leaving the USA as the uncontested greatest power in not only the current world, but arguably all of human history.

This is not an exhaustive list. I did leave out a lot of bad stuff, and a lot of details. However, so would any author intending to wank a nation to be the functional ruler of Earth. I hope what I have pointed out shows you just how lucky and fortunate America's history has been, and that if someone had created this nation as a fictional entity, people on this site would have it be under one of the most insane wanks of all time.

 

[AlfLandonFan]

You mean to tell me that within 20 years, an empire that began after some guy claimed to be visited by Archangel Gabriel and united the tribes of Arabia, was able to conquer the entirety of Sassanid Empire and bring an end to one of the oldest religions in world history?
The existence of the Rashidun and Umayyad Caliphates are perhaps the greatest proof of the existence of Allah, because clearly the Caliphates had the favor of a God.
(I get that the Sassanid Empire was a mess at this time, but it's impressive nonetheless)

 

[The Ranger]

Rout of Moy. 1700 English soldiers try to catch Charles Edward Stuart when he is at Moy Hall with a handful of bodyguards. The bodyguards pretend to be an entire Highland clan army and make a lot of noise. The first 100 of the English run away, the officer behind them thinks they know what they are doing and leads another 400 men after them, and then the other 1000 panic and run off down the road.

The Nine day Queen (Lady Jane Gray)

Queen Mary starts off at Framlingham Hall with a handful of supporters, rallies mass support, the English Royal Navy mutinies and joins her, and the ministers supporting her rival get cold feet. 9 days later she marches in and takes the throne.

 

[Bomster]

Within only 200 years of their 300,000 year old existence, humans go from inventing the first steam engine to landing a man on the moon.

 

[RedKing]

Henry VII's rise to the throne: An English nobleman with a tenuous claim to the throne who is relatively unknown goes from a penniless exile (and de-facto prisoner) in Brittany to the leading pretender of the throne to King in less than 15 years. He then somehow manages to beat the incumbent King with a much smaller and less experienced army and then manages to fight off all the pretenders with clearer claims than his and established a dynasty that lasts over 100 years with his bloodline continuing to sit on the throne today.

A boy-king with debilitating leprosy being relatively successful as a King and leading battles at the front in spite of it. (Baldwin IV of Jerusalem).

 

[jennynin]

Ooh, as an Irish person, my favourite strange events in history are both from the Great Famine in Ireland (An Gorta Mór) (1845-1851).

• Sultan of the Ottoman Empire, Abdulmejid I, provided 1.000 Pounds of financial aid to Ireland. Originally, Abdülmecit wanted to send 10,000 pounds of aid, but this would have made Queen Victoria look bad, as she had sent 2000 pounds. Abdulmejid in addition to the 1000 pound, sent five ships full of food. These ships were forbidden by the Crown to dock in Dublin, so they rerouted to Drogheda. As a result, in 1919, Drogheda Football Club put the crescent and star on their jerseys to honour the help of the Ottomans.
  
• The Chocktaw people in Oklahoma sent 170$ to the Irish during the famine, even though they themselves were going through the Trail of Tears and other hardships. In response, 170 years later, the people of Ireland raised 4 million dollars to the Navajo and Hopi people during Covid. Gary Batton, Chief of the Chocktaw Nation stated that "We have become kindred spirits with the Irish in the years since the Irish potato famine."